Aging Parent, Faith, Family First, Work-Life-Balance

Exhausted. Life.

This picture – this is what my head feels like. At all times. I’m tired. Exhausted. I cannot turn my mind off. Ever.

Taking care of your elderly parents is hard. You are now the parent. They don’t really like that, but they get it. You are the decision maker. Period. The decisions I have had to make – they couldn’t. It’s overwhelming. My Therapist helps me get through it. To help me better understand it. The hard part – this is the norm. I do remember both of my in-laws going through this many years ago. I didn’t know how hard it was. They made it seem easier – OR, I didn’t pay attention. When somebody else is doing it, it is easy to look the other way. If I look around the Friends I have at my age – we are going through this in some way. It’s a whole other world. I feel like I have lost so much control taking care of myself, MY family. I mean, I still am a Mom and Wife. Two of my favorite titles. Right now I suck at both. Which hurts. Really hurts. They don’t get it and they shouldn’t have to. I never want my kid to have to do any of this. Or make the decisions I have had to – good or bad. It’s so much thought. It is a process. A time consuming, life consuming, process.

If you think you have people around to help out – don’t count on it 100%. Ever. Most of the time that does not work. You have to depend on you. Your the one you can count on. Nobody else. That in itself is exhausting. As my Parents live 100 miles away; it’s a commute. A commute that needs/should be done every 2 to 3 weeks. I try to make that time line – every 2 to 3 weeks… Every 2 to 3 weeks. Like clock work. I can do the drive with my eyes closed. I am down to knowing this drive to the minute. Could be the second. It’s just in my blood now.

This is not a complaint. Writing is what makes me aware. It makes me understand. Its just part of the process…

#faith #familyfirst

Uncategorized

Reflection

/re’flekSH(e)n/ : Serious thought OR consideration

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In this new time of the COVID 19, aka: Corona Virus, things are different.  Things have changed.  2020 became weird.  Somewhat scary.  It is really an unknown at this point.  Will things turn around?  When?  The College kiddos (including mine) are home.  The Governor just announced the other day, that all WA public schools are done for the year.  Doing somewhat of an on-line process.  What about Prom?  Graduation?  All of the money parents spent MONTHS ago with Jostens?  I feel sorry for this generation.  I feel bad for the things that were planned, that are now cancelled.  I’m thankful I still have a job.  Working from home one week, office the next.  I’m thankful, but, I miss my work “normal”.  My Work B-E-S-T-I-E-S.  I miss the normal.

It is weird having my College student home doing homework.  Talk and texting his roommates.  They are missing out on their first year of College.  You know – those FUN times that your parents don’t know about??  The girlfriend?  These kids not only need it, they should have it.  It is sad to me.

We were supposed to go to Hawaii last month.  At the very last second I said, “We need to back out…”  My Husband and Son disagreed.  It was a Thursday I suggested this; we were to fly out Saturday morning at 6am.  What we kept looking at was our flights.  They were fine.  Nothing was cancelled.  We would get online and look at where we were staying and it was still open and ready to go.  We Googled the golf course my family was to golf at.  It still said they were open.  When my Son tried to call and didn’t get through; that was the moment I put my foot down.  Yes, the flights were still on.  That was not the problem.  What we did not know was that had we gone, the place we were staying was making you stay holed up.  You would literally be stuck in your room.  All of the pools were closed and all of the chairs on the beach were brought in.  They don’t tell you this.  The golf course was closed too…  We are so glad we didn’t go.  At this point we can’t re-schedule.  I mean, who knows when this will end?? So sad.

Life changed in a flash.

I started baking.  I mean eating.  I’m not a baker.  I don’t enjoy it at all.  I love to eat the goodies though.  I just made my third batch of chocolate chip cookies.  I’ve eaten most of them.  And the dough, too.  I’ve gained my Corona 15.  Maybe 20.

The hard thing?  Watching the people around you that you love and respect, struggle.  My gym.  I’ve been there 3 years now.  I kick box.  It’s a kick-boxing gym.  I’ve gotten STRONG.  I’ve met great human beings.  We get each other.   The classes I’m missing out on.  Going in at lunch to lift.  The owner.  My Trainer.  This is his living.  His business is considered non-essential.  Why?  He does A LOT of one-on-ones.  That’s how we get strong.  We need this.  But, it’s non essential.  He still has bills to pay.  Rent.  In the gym building.  Fingers crossed he gets to open back up next month.  Next Month…?  Really?  I know there are a lot of businesses out there that are trying to figure all of this out.  I feel horrible for all included.

Doing my Bible Study with my Connection Group, via Zoom is weird.  But it is so nice to have that option.  We still need each other.

To get my butt moving I’ve picked up hiking, walking our local loop and guess what else?  I purchased Beachbody on Demand!  WTH?  Are you kidding me?  I’m truly glad there are no mirrors around when I am doing it.  I’m pretty sure I look, over the top, RIDICULOUS!  Gross.  I do get what I need.  It is fun.  It’s just not my normal.

I have to see my Therapist, via video.  (Yes, I go to a Therapist – EVERYONE should…)

There are some good things these last few months have proved:

  • I have really gotten into the Word, again.  I keep using the excuse that I “don’t have any time…”  That excuse is non existent now.
  • I have read sooooo much.  I love to read, but typically I read as I’m going to bed and conveniently fall asleep.  Not now.  Amazon has even reached out to me for a Author review.  Not bad.
  • I have blogged a lot more.  I have also read a lot of blogs that I have wanted to read for well over a year now.
  • I’m catching up on all of my podcasts.
  • I’ve cleaned all of the closets in the house!  I’m pretty proud of that one…!

Being FORCED to slow down has been nice.  In a weird, awkward way.  I really am staying in place.  Unless I am going out for a walk or a hike, I am staying home.

I miss my normal.  I wonder if normal will be back…?